A hummingbird flits at the feeder. Unaware that the rains of fall have come. The coolness of day changes green to orange red. Falling to earth like a shredded patchwork quilt. The flowers are few and nectar is rare, but those flying dynamos carry on. Such persistence. Such dedication to a singular effort.

The cats nuzzled together. Keeping warm through their union. The hummingbird persists. The cats unaware and uncaring of their industrious friend’s progress. They’ve had their fill. First eating. Then cleaning. Then sleep.

And here I sit. Friday mid-afternoon. The couch. My nest. Sleepless. How I wish I could be as industrious and relentless as that hummingbird. Or as unaware as said cats. But here I sit braced from pain. The pain of a wounded knee. It’s no allusion. No intimation. Just fact dressed in a black supportive shroud.

I was walking through the park one day. Well okay. Not so much a park, as my living room. And it was

This is a follow-up to the post: “A Show of Hands.” It’s funny. I’ve sat here for 30 minutes trying to find a way to start this. Trying to find the most obtuse angle to dive in. Contemplating a witty way to say what I needed to. I’m tired. I’m hurting. And I think my anger will have to be enough for now. Okay … I just need to say it. My Sarcoidosis is flaring up again. What’s really shitty is it’s now creating cystic lesions in the bones of my hands, wrists & fingers. So when I tell you this entry is a pain to write …. take it literally.

I’ve been dreading this moment. The moment when I had to admit to the world that my Sarcoid is back. Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! After the X-rays back in August. A three week round of steroids … which did help the swelling and pain vacate. An MRI of my hands and wrists at Viva Las Vegas Radiology …

Sometimes, I’m told people can see right through me. I never know if they mean I’m transparent, or I’m hiding something, and what is hidden is transparent. A conundrum to say the least. Today I might wish that ‘transparency’ were indeed the case.

It started with a sharp stabbing pain in my right hand. This had occurred, to some degree, in the past. I was told then, it was most likely carpel tunnel syndrome. Okay. I’ll bite. So way back when I was given some smelly bright blue polypro wrist straps, some anti-inflammatories and that was that. Hadn’t had an issue since. Fast forward several years, to two weeks ago …. and the pain. It started in the right hand. A week later and the left hand joined in … either in sympathy, or solidarity.