Life is dichotomy. Life is duality. The Yin & Yang of light & dark, virtue & evil, up & down … uh … you get the idea. Existential at best. Detached at worst. Round and round goes the world, as does life.

The Good News:

Went to see my pulmonologist today, after a four month hiatus from him or any Sarcoid drugs. He says though active, my Sarcoid is still mild. Like some milk-toast cheddar from Wisconsin. He doesn’t see any link with any of my current symptoms. And let me tell you … there still are plenty.

The Bad News:

In looking at the EKG that Dr Rosenfield did on me a few weeks ago in his office, Dr Raghu says it shows an abnormality. Okay … that’s a scary statement. And looking at my blood test results, my thyroid function is low. Not catastrophic, but this could also add to why I’m still feeling tired. Continue Reading > > >

Hmmm. I looked in my back pocket. Not there. Looked in my front pockets. Not there either. I looked behind me. I looked on the floor, under the bed. Damn! Where could they be? Somehow I misplaced them. In a situation like this, what do you do?

Start from the beginning. Okay … easy enough.

It started around 6:59 AM. I heard that sound—that faint beep beep beeping of the alarm. I guess it didn’t really matter. I didn’t really think anything could take it away from me. I didn’t give it a second thought. Though I did plenty of thinking, seemingly only a few hours ago, when head hits pillow. Hoping for a good nights sleep. But it was my head. It was full of thoughts that I didn’t want to escape my lips. Continue Reading > > >

Just got back from Dr R’s office. Had to have an EKG done. Señor Pulmonologist thought I should have one. I’m too tired to be witty right now … so nothing but the facts. The EKG was okay. My heart has not been affected … yet. This is good news. Now all I have to do is get through my bronchoscopy and lung biopsy tomorrow.

After I’ve been poked & peaked at … then it’s time to hold our collective breath for a week … figuratively speaking or course. It will take a week to find out the results. Again with this waiting thing! Oye!

So yeah …I’m nervous about what the doctor will find in there. Maybe a red 1957 Buick Skylark convertible? Continue Reading > > >

Ride ‘em broncho-scopy. It seems that’s what Señor Pulmonologist will be doing on Tuesday the 12th @ 7:00 AM. And I guess metaphorically I’ll be the bronco. Okay. A new doctor, for a new day, with a new test. How can you go wrong with that? I guess I could come up with a few answers. So … yes … Dr H is going to knock me out, shove a scope down my throat, have a look see, and mine some samples while he’s in there. I can hardly wait! Then he’ll send them off to be mused at, sliced diced and julienned …. and I’ll have to wait another week to get those results. This all seems to just drag on. To top it all off he also wants to send me for an echocardiogram to be certain granulomas haven’t started forming in my heart. He also suggested I see a ophthalmologist. Now I was going to make that journey on my own … but now with a little prodding … (move along there bronco boy!) I’ll make that appointment sooner than later. Continue Reading > > >

I’m waiting for Godot, or Godar, or maybe François Truffaut, or any of the other directors of “cinéma de la nouvelle vague française”. Actually I’m waiting for Casey, Dr Mike’s assistant to call me back. He’s investigating getting my pulmonologist appointment moved up. It was set for Monday July 11 @ 2:00 PM, but I didn’t want to have to wait through another weekend for him to take a peak at my lungs … as it were.

Miracle of miracles! He did it. Got it moved to today @ 4:00 PM. I have to run to Swedish to pick up my chesty x-rays & other assorted items. Then I’m off to sell CDs for my friend Amy. She’s playing a lunchtime gig at the IDX tower downtown. Anywho … more later. Have to jam …

Warning danger Will Robinson! This is a major rant. If you are offended easily, close the window NOW! Or click here.

Hi … how are you? Cordial enough. Polite enough. But are people really asking me … how AM I … really? Like most everything else in this life … is it just another desensitized, sanitized question? Homogenized & pasteurized to the point it will not infect or effect? Do I dare tell them? Are they ready to hear how I’m doing. Should I hold this in. Just nod my head say “I’m fine, thanks” … and be on my way? I realize I will tell those people who “need” to know, but even then I’m not quite sure what to tell them. Or how much to tell them.

Well hey … you know … I just found out I have this incredulously incurable disease. That will always “harsh someone’s high” .. or in this case, harsh their “Hi … how are you?” Not my intent. Or maybe it is. Maybe it’s my way of “misguiding my anger” like some heat seeking missile exploding in someone’s face with a coy … “Oh ..I’m doing really swell. I just found out I have an incurable disease.” BOOM! Continue Reading > > >

Thank you Hanz & Franz. Thank you Dr Mike. Steroids is the name. Treating Sarcoidosis is the game. Well as much as one can “treat” this disease. As Dr Mike told me today, “Sarcoidosis is the ‘soft’ diagnosis” for what’s going on with me. In other words … this is what we think it is. Now I will have to follow the yellow brick road from Emerald City Medical Arts to the pulmonologist he will send me to. But right now it’s mega-steroids for the next six day. I just took my first three pills. Five today. Four tomorrow … etc etc etc … for the next six day. So if I talk to you between now & then & I’m a bit “snappish” please forgive me ahead of time … for the drugs know not what they do.

Dr Mike says the roids will help my breathing “issues” … so that’s a good thing. I’m still not sure whether granulomas are forming in my lungs, along with the lymph nodes being enlarged. All I got from our meeting this morning was that the “shadowing” and the lymph node enlargement were probably causing my “breathing issues.” (My words … not Dr M’s.) From all the blood testing I STILL have elevated liver functions. This has been going on for a long time. My liver is also enlarged, according to images from an upper body ultrasound I had a few months ago. His thinking is that, knowing Sarcoidosis can affect any organ, my liver could have been the first casualty. Continue Reading > > >